Never Good Enough

It's been awhile since I've written, but I've had a million posts run through my head!  So many things have happened in the last couple of months and it feels like finally, after throwing all the glitter in the air and taking another leap, the pieces are slowly falling beautifully into place.  Or something like that, depending on how I'm choosing to look at things in the moment!

Remember how happy and perfect everything fell into place in my last post?  I was literally walking on sunshine!  I was so totally excited!  When we first moved in, it was perfect.  I put everything in the room it needed to be in and the move was pretty easy.  I scrubbed and cleaned and organized.  I was in heaven.  But it didn't last.

The girls got sick for a couple of days so I had to slow down to take care of everybody.  Then Peanut, our little dog who will be 14 in August, followed me up and down the stairs too many times and started limping.  She needed to be carried up and down the stairs, outside, etc.  She lost her appetite and I seriously had some moments where I thought, "Oh No!  Don't die now!  We just moved into our new house!  I can't lose you now!"  Allison didn't help with her questions.  "Is Peanut going to heaven soon?  Should we give Peanut a bath to get her ready for heaven?"  Seriously, I am NOT ready for Peanut to go to heaven yet so can we please talk about something else?  

Then I noticed how the windows needed to be cleaned and the blinds looked dingy and the weeds needed to be pulled.  I needed to go shopping, do the laundry, and clean out everybody's drawers.  I had to steam clean the carpets, wash all the floors, and the bathrooms needed cleaning again.  Oh and there were birthday presents to buy, and Brad went out of town a few times and this is all in addition to normal everyday life which includes crafts, books, songs, nagging (me: get dressed, brush your teeth, eat your lunch, be nice to your sister, etc.), playing (we had some fun too!) and all the other stuff that we do everyday.  Not to mention the challenges of having a five year old and an almost two year old who are both in their own stages of learning, growing, whining, and testing!  :)  In normal everyday life the days are pretty full.  In "we just moved into a new house" life, there's a million extra things to do and well, the days don't get any longer just because I have more to do!

I kept going but was starting to feel stressed.  I skipped yoga a few times.  Okay, I actually skipped it more than a few times.  I just didn't have anything left in me to do it.  At night my feet were feeling sore and a couple of my toes felt numb and tingly.  Finally the day came where I just couldn't keep the tears at bay anymore.  So I cried.  Then I cried some more.  This doesn't happen too often but when it does, I know I've gone over the edge and I thought, what am I doing to myself?  Where in the hell did all my happiness go?  Why am I letting myself get all whacked out?

I decided I needed some clarity and took some time for reflection.  I grabbed a glass of wine and read some old journal entries.  I love how this happens!  I opened a notebook and found just what I needed.  I came across an entry from 2002.  At the time I felt overwhelmed by life.  I felt like I could do my best all day everyday and it would never be enough.  I could always do more.  I could always do better.  Which led me to feel like I could never do enough and I would never be enough.  This, of course, wasn't good.  It scared me.  It made me wonder if this was what being an adult was going to be like forever.  I definitely didn't want that!

Although I believe that sometimes you need to push yourself to do things in life in order to achieve success, I know now that there's a line that can be crossed.  There's a fine line between motivation and self- sabotage.  I didn't even realize it until I found this book called, Never Good Enough:  How to use Perfectionism to Your Advantage Without Letting it Ruin Your Life, by Dr. Monica Ramirez Basco.

This book was the first "self help" book that I purchased and it really helped me!  I learned how the thoughts I was having about myself and my life were connected to how I was feeling and how I could change.  It helped me to understand where these feelings were coming from and also led me to seek out a deeper connection to the bigger picture in life, to God, The Universe, and spirituality.  Obviously, I'm continuing to learn this because here I am, ten years later, revisiting these lessons yet again!

Why am I suddenly struggling when I was just so happy?  I'm striving for perfection.  I still hold onto the thought that if my house is super clean, and everybody eats perfectly well balanced yummy meals, and my kids are super smart and creative, loving people, and I blog regularly and grow my business, and I see my friends and family regularly, and I pursue my passions, and I do everything PERFECTLY, then I will be satisfied.  I will feel complete.  People will see me as successful and I will see myself as successful.  But I know better than that!  I know life is about the journey!  I know it's about the process!  I know perfection is really a matter of perspective.  I know this stuff!  Hello!  UGH!  Relapse!

My life is what I make it everyday.  I get to choose which lens I will view my life through each day, each moment.  The windows need cleaning, yes, and they will be dirty again as soon as they are clean.  They are windows.  Accept it.  It's not a big deal.  The dishes need to be done, yep, they are dishes.  As soon as they're clean we will eat again and they will need to be washed again.  It doesn't mean I'm a horrible mother, homemaker, person.  Whatever.  If someone comes over and I have a sink full of dishes then they will know we eat.  (How awful!  Really?)  If they judge me, I can't do anything about it.  I probably won't even know!  So I didn't blog for a couple of months, this is true, but my mind is overflowing with ideas and insights.  I'm excited to let them take on a life of their own and here I am, taking the time.  It's all going to happen, it just can't ALL happen at the SAME TIME!!!  It's all good.  No worries!  Things could be so much worse...

When I take away all the self- induced pressure, I feel free.  When I let myself enjoy the process, I do.  When I celebrate the steps, it feels awesome!  When I appreciate my blessings, I see more things to appreciate.  When I let go of the negative judgement, I feel like I can do anything!  This includes my own negative judgements and any judgement I think others may impose on me.  Remember, what other people think about you is none of your business!  Nobody's life is perfect, even if it seems that way from your perspective.  It's all in how we choose to think about our life and it's circumstances that make life wonderful or overwhelming.  It's hard to see sometimes but it really is a choice.

So instead of spending any more time being annoyed with myself for these transgressions, I choose to celebrate the steps.  We really have gotten so much done around the house and had a great birthday party for Allison!  I made it to yoga and have been out for a couple of runs this past week.  I've spent quality time with family and look forward to spending some time with friends.  I have major plans for this blog and my new website that will be coming soon!  We have come so far in the last few years and life keeps getting better.  Now that I know better, I'm doing better.  I'm doing the best that I can.  I am good enough.  I am doing enough.  I am enough.  Period.  And so are you!

Can you relate?  Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed in your life?  Do you fall into this trap where you feel like you're never doing enough?  I encourage you to take some time for yourself to see what's up.  Be still.  Meditate.  Write.  Read.  Pray.  Reflect.  Seek.  Whatever it takes.  Life is meant to be beautiful!  You might find you want to do a complete overhaul in your life or maybe all you need is a simple shift in perspective.  Allow your life to get better and it will!  Know that you are worth it and that it's never too late to make a positive change!  :)  You can do it!

Love to you!
Kristie

P.S.  Peanut is doing much better now!  She has almost stopped limping and is her normal happy self again.  I'm grateful she's not ready for heaven quite yet!  :)

A Place to Call Home

The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want.

And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself.

And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself.

And the only way to be yourself, is to listen to your heart!

I do,   
 The Universe

~from Notes from The Universe

This is my favorite note from the "Notes from The Universe" by the fabulous Mike Dooley.  Since it came to me a few years ago my life has been forever changed.  The words are so simple yet so powerful.  What do I want?  Who am I, really?  What is being myself?  Am I listening to my heart?

I've definitely been listening to my heart.  All of my big life decisions were made by my heart first, logic second.  But what do I want?  Who am I outside of the roles I play like mother, daughter, wife, friend, teacher, consultant, etc.?  And what is it that I want again?

I've never been one to focus much on the so-called materialistic side of things.  When I quit my job to stay home with Allison I knew I was giving up my comfortable lifestyle.  I really didn't care.  I knew what I wanted.  I wanted to be home with my daughter.  As a teacher I had pretty much expected that I would only make so much money and get to do things "within reason" in my budget.  When we became a one income family, I knew we could cut back and I knew we would figure the rest out.  But after you keep cutting, and cutting, and cutting your budget you start to feel... well, deprived.  We were happy in many ways but life wasn't as comfortable as it used to be and it started to get old.  We were ready for a change.

The entrepreneur in me was awakening.  I started writing.  I wrote about what I wanted.  I focused on the abundance of the Universe and the fact that God would provide.  I started to let go of the thoughts that I had about material things. I knew that money and things didn't bring about happiness but having things and enjoying the abundance that life has to offer is a good thing!  I knew that if I figured out what I wanted, I could achieve it.  I trusted the process.  We decided to move to Texas.

Let's just say things worked out the way I expected them to with some exceptions and allowances.  I wanted to sell our house.  That was the best case scenario or so I thought.  The one showing that we had in 5 months and the one offer that came in was just not reasonable.  I knew it was a tough time to sell but I didn't want to give our house away.  I started to worry a bit about what we were going to do.  I knew I wanted to move and be in Texas by Thanksgiving.  Brad and I talked about it and we decided to rent it out.  Within 45 minutes of placing the ad we had a response.  We ended up having to turn people away and chose the first responder.  It was so EASY once I let go my idea of what HAD to happen!  And anyways, we had always talked about having rental properties as one of our MSI's (Multiple Sources of Income).  Texas, here we come!

We have been very fortunate to have my family here in Texas.  My parents are the best people I know and are so very kind and generous!  They invited us to stay with them until we settled in.  We have lived across the country from one another for about 15 years.  There was lots of catching up to do!  They made space for my family of four plus our little toy poodle, Peanut.  They welcomed us and treated us and helped us make a life here.  I am so grateful for all of their kindness and graciousness.  I admire their love (40+ years of marriage) and I appreciate that now I get to have them in my life on a regular basis.  

When you live with your parents when you're an adult it conjures up a lot of interesting feelings.  When I left the house as a college freshman, I came home every other weekend or so.  By sophomore year it was once a month.  By junior year I had a weekend job and a pretty active social life so....I rarely came home.  How was I to know that they missed me so much?  DUH!!!  I really had no idea!  I was just into my own life.  Now that I have my own daughters, I get it. 

Over the last 20 years I have seen friends that have lost their parents, their spouses, their grandparents, their pets, and even their child.  I have known people around my age and younger who have lost their lives.  Something has changed in me and I realize the preciousness of life and all the special moments.  I appreciate that I have been able to wake up in the morning to chat and have coffee with my Mom.  I love hearing my Dad in the morning and the garage door opening when he gets home from work.  The sounds and smells take me back to a place of my childhood and the "good old days" when life was easy and I didn't even know what stress felt like.  I love that we have had this chance to grow close again, for them to get to know my daughters, for us to be a family.  But now, it's time to move on.      

 

In my head I've had this timeline.  I wanted to be in our own place by April 1st.  I wrote it down on a sticky note and put it on my bedroom wall.  Allison turns five at the end of April and she'll start kindergarten in the fall.  I wanted to be in our own house by then so we could have her birthday at our house, enjoy the whole summer, and be ready for kindergarten in August.  I started looking at houses online.  I love Smartphones!  Every night before bed I would look at houses and think about what I wanted.  I wrote down all the things that I wanted and I tried to be very specific and detailed.  We started looking at houses.

My mom has told me stories of her and her brothers riding their bikes to their grandma's house to visit.  When I was a high school/college student I would smile and say "that's nice" to my mom, thinking ok, sure, that's nice, not gonna happen!  I don't even know why, I guess it's just that gaining independence thing.  (Please remind me of this when my daughters do the same thing!)  But 20 years later, there I was with a house for sale in my parent's neighborhood that I couldn't wait to see!  I dreamed about it and looked at the pictures so I could visualize us living there.  When we went to see the house it was so disappointing!  Too much work, amongst other issues and I knew instantly it was not the house for us.  But the seed was planted.  It would be so cool if my girls could walk and ride their bikes to their grandparent's house!

The house hunt continued.  There are so many houses for sale right now!  It truly is a buyer's market and the interest rates...wow!  It's such a great time to buy!  I kept telling myself that the right house would come to us, we just had to find it.  One Saturday we went to look at some houses and although I liked some things about them, I just wasn't feeling like any of them were the right pick.  I started to feel discouraged and we ended up looking at a model home.  Instantly, we felt a connection.  Wow!  We really liked a lot about this house, maybe we should consider building.  When we started thinking more about it though, we knew we didn't feel ready to commit to a builder, a neighborhood, or a house that was in our budget right now because we know that our budget will be bigger next year!  But we're ready to move now!  I could feel the stress starting to creep in.  And then, a brilliant idea!  Let's just rent for now and build our dream home later!  Ahhhhhh.....relief washed over me and I felt like a million pounds was lifted off my shoulders (that I didn't even realize I was carrying!).  Perfect idea!  Let's do it!

Sunday I took the girls for a walk and there it was in front of a gorgeous house right around the corner from my parent's house, a sign that said FOR LEASE!  What?????  Is this for real?  As soon as I got home I looked it up and there it was!  It looked perfect and the asking price was $5 less than I thought was reasonable for our budget.  I sent an email requesting a showing. 

Wednesday morning we checked it out.  What an awesome house!  It has so many of the things that I wrote down that I wanted!  Lots of space, open floor plan, office space, pantry, kitchen island, fireplace, deck, balcony with a view, master bathroom with a double vanity, his and hers walk-in closets, large bedrooms for the girls each with a walk-in closet, and a gameroom!  The agent told us others were interested so we took the application and I got right to work on it!  When I turned it back in I chatted with her a bit, I wanted her to know how much we wanted it!  Later that day I thought of a few other things I should've said but decided no, if it's meant to be, it will be.

I talked to Allison about it and we were getting all excited.  I asked her, wouldn't it be nice if you could go to the school around the corner and we could walk you to school everyday?  I started to say more but she said, wait a second, I have to talk to God for a second. 

Dear God, Please let us live in the house close to the school.  Thanks God.  Love, Allison Amen. 

I love the way she prays!  I told her that it was a great idea to ask God and she interrupted me, wait a second, I need to tell God one more thing,

Dear God,  Please come to my birthday party.  It's at Chuck E. Cheese.  You can follow us.  Thanks God.  Love, Allison

Awww!  I just love her! 

On Friday we went to run some errands.  I was cashing out at the register when my phone started playing Jingle Bell Rock.  I totally forgot I had set that tone for unidentified numbers back around Christmastime!  It's rare that someone I don't know calls me and this time it made my knees go weak and my heart get all fluttery.  I knew it was the agent.  When I got to the car I listened to the voicemail.  Yep, it was her and her voice gave no indication whether she had good news for me or not.  I took a deep breath and called her back.  She asked me, are you guys ready to pack?  Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!  We got the house!  

In less than a week after making a decision about renting, we found the perfect house!  The house was actually listed the same day that we made our decision and the agent told us that five other people were denied...the owner picked us!  I am so excited about how it all worked out! 

I have learned so much from this experience and these are the biggest things:  THINK about what you want.  WRITE down what you want.  DREAM about what you want.  BELIEVE you can have what you want.  And BE READY to take action when the opportunity comes!  TRUST YOURSELF and KNOW!  Also, appreciate, appreciate, appreciate!  This helps you to be in vibrational alignment with what you want and who you really are! 

Ok this post was long enough!  :)  Thanks for sharing this awesome experience with me! 

Has this kind of experience ever happened to you?  I'd love hear about it!  Please comment or email me!  kristie.ignash@gmail.com

Love to you!

Kristie

Join me on Facebook @ Kristie Just Bein!  Or on Twitter @kristiejustbein.

Be You! No Guilt!! No Apologies!!!

When I was a little girl I was very confident.  I knew what I liked, I knew what I didn't like and I never had a problem with expressing myself.  I danced.  I sang.  I did cartwheels.  I wore my black patent leather shoes in the bathroom so I could pretend to tap dance.  I thought I was good.  I liked it.  I had fun.  I was 100% me.

  Allison: Doesn't everyone wear a sundress with arm warmers, 

pants, boots, and a baseball hat to ride their bike 

in January?

 

                               Sabrina:  My big sister is so cool!!!


As I grew up, I started to notice that people put labels on other people, and things.  They called them things like good, bad, cool, nerdy, smart, and stupid.  Sometimes I agreed with the label and other times I didn't.  Sometimes I just went along with it.  I mean, I used to peg my pants with the best of em, but I don't know if I really liked that look or I did it because it was the "cool" thing to do!  (Who decided that was cool anyway?)  Out of concern for looking "stupid" for trying something new that I wasn't immediately good at, or for doing something that other people might think was "nerdy" I held myself back.  I stuck to the things that I was most naturally good at and did my best.  Which was OK.  And let me stress this, it was O.  K.  But one day I decided, I don't want my life to be just OK!


Did I really hold myself back because I was worried that someone else might judge me negatively?????

It has taken me some time in my own self growth to realize that I have held myself back.  Other people's labels and judgements were not what held me back.  It was my own FEAR of how I would FEEL if people thought or said something negative about me.  (Typing this right now, reading it, and saying it in my head really makes it hit harder in my heart and mind.)  How could we ever hold ourselves back from living our best life and having the greatest life experiences simply based on our worry over another person's thoughts or feelings?  That's ridiculous!!!  Oops!  Label!  Sorry! ;)

People are going to have their own opinions and they may or may not agree with yours.  We need to just accept that and get over it!  It's supposed to be like that because we're all different.   You are made uniquely you with your own thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes, wants, desires, perspective, etc.!  We may connect with some people on some things and be on way different ends of the spectrum on others.  This is on purpose!  We can always learn something from someone who has a different opinion than ours and we can also decide, you know what, I just don't agree!  I'm gonna do what I need to do! 

My husband likes to say,

"It's none of your business what other people think about you."  

I remember feeling really annoyed and frustrated when he first said this to me.  But it's true.  How does anyone ever really know how another person feels anyway, even if they tell you?  So, it's irrelevant.  Not an issue.  It's an imaginary glass wall between you and the things you want to do, try, and be.  We're not living life to be accepted by others, we're living life to be our best selves.  To be loving.  To give.  To do good.  To laugh.  To experience all the beauty and wonder of everything around us.  So always try in everything you do to be yourself.  It's good for you and for everyone else... whether they know it or not!



The "G" word

No, not gum or grandma, it's guilt!  If you have some, it's time to get rid of it!  Some people say guilt and worry are wasteful and while I agree, I also think they serve their purpose.  Guilt is something that can sit on your head and cloud your judgement and allow you to choose differently than you would without it.  When you feel guilty about something it could mean a lot of things.  Maybe things turned out in a way you hadn't planned and someone got hurt.  Perhaps you made a decision that you knew better on.  It's important to think about why you feel guilty and understand what it's telling you. 

This is what I've learned about guilt:  sitting around feeling guilty, which often leads you to feeling anxious, sad, frustrated, depressed, and sick, doesn't help anyone or anything!  If you want to help yourself or anyone else, say you're sorry, forgive yourself, do what you can to make it better whatever that may be, but please, don't just sit with it!  Some people sit with guilt for years and their life turns into one big regret!

Another thing to consider about guilt is that you may be feeling guilty over something you have no business feeling guilty over!  How many of us parents have ever felt guilty for going to work?  taking time for ourselves?  forgetting something?  Have you ever felt guilty over something that you personally had no control over?  Have you ever felt guilty because you had to make an important decision for yourself that other people didn't agree with, understand, or want you to make?  Release yourself from the opinion of others!  Have you ever made a mistake that you keep reliving and still feel guilty over?  It's time to stop!  Remind yourself that when you know better, you do better (props again to Oprah!).  You can't relive the past, but you can do better in the future.  Don't let guilt hold you back anymore!

No Apologies Please

I'm not sure this is as big of a problem with men as it is with women, but us women are often throwing around the "sorry's" like it's the last day to use the darn word!  I have to once again give honorable mention to Brad, my husband, who always asks me why I'm sorry.  "Why are you sorry the sheets aren't dry yet?  Did you throw extra water on them so they wouldn't dry faster?"  "Why are you sorry that I bumped my head?  Did you make that cupboard jump out and hit me?"  Why am I so sorry all the time?  I guess what I really mean is, I care for your comfort.  I love you.  Feel better soon!  Saying I'm sorry is probably a habit more than anything.  Try to stop apologizing for everything and only apologize for legitimate reasons.  This is very freeing.  I'm still working on it! 

Another thing to consider, and this is a big one, do you apologize for who you are?

I don't think I've ever really apologized for being me, well, maybe I have out of a lack for better words, but I know I've compromised my own beliefs to try to keep peace.  I don't recommend this.  It can lead to things getting sticky and ugly.  It's like a ticking time bomb...and you're the bomb.  I'm not talking about little things.  It's good to be flexible.  It's good to think of how you're impacting the lives of others.  I'm talking about the build up over time.  You can compromise, you can agree to disagree, you can turn the other cheek, whatever, but if you realize you're not being yourself anymore, it's definitely time for a change.  Don't apologize for who you are!  The world needs you to be YOU!  You have special gifts and talents that need to be expressed and if you're not able to do that because you're always compromising and holding back, you're not allowing what's meant to be! 

So take a stand.  Promise yourself that today, starting now, you will Be You!  No Guilt!  No Apologies!  Do whatever it takes to be on a path that allows you to continuously grow, learn, and develop as the beautiful person that you are!  I will be right here with you, cheering you on!

Love to You!

Kristie

P.S. I just started a facebook page for Kristie Just Bein!  If you want to check it out, click here!

P.S.S.  I'd love to know if any of this is helpful to you and what else is on your mind!  Don't be shy!  Please share any thoughts, comments, and words of wisdom that you have! 

Let It Be Easy!

Inhale...Exhale...Let it be Easy.  This is your new mantra.  Whatever it is.  This is it.

There are at least a million things bouncing around in my head as I sit to write this.  We got all ready to go shopping and Sabrina, my 17 month old, decided she needed a nap so....I decided to write.  I've been praying for opportunities to write because my brain is exploding with ideas that need to come out but this is hardly what I'd call ideal.  I like to be more prepared.  I want it to be all scheduled, everyday, at such and such a time, so I know what to expect and when my time is coming so I can use it purposefully and all that crap, yada yada yada.  But when's the last time I wrote?  Oh ya, it was October 7th.  I guess all that waiting til the perfect time stuff still isn't working for me!  Ahhh!  So I am seizing the moment!  Ha!

I love Christmas time!  I love the songs, the decorations, the lights, the festivities, the cookies and everything else that's awesome about it!  It can feel truly magical when you're in the spirit!  "In the spirit" means you aren't trying to run anyone over in the parking lot of Target so you can get that spot or because you're in a hurry!  If this is you (or close to it) maybe you're getting a little too caught up in all the hoopla and PRESSURE that the holidays can bring! 

Inhale...Exhale...Let it be Easy...

It would be so great if we could buy everything we wanted for our kids whenever we wanted to and whenever they wanted something!  Or no, wait a minute...what happens when kids get everything they want whenever they want it???  Hmmmm...  If your stress is buying your kids everything in the store, let it be easy!  Don't do it!!!  Kids will tear through everything you put in front of them and look for more.  Try giving them a few special gifts and savor the moments while they open them up.  Focus your attention on the quality instead of the quantity.  By doing this, you will help them to realize the joy of receiving and how nice it is to give and receive.  This helps them learn how to appreciate things and count their blessings, which is a great practice for all of us.

If you don't have kids, you're not left out here!  Giving comes from the heart.  Many of us forget that.  I know I want to buy for everyone I know and care about, but I get overwhelmed by the enormity of the spending.  This is where I have to remind myself.  It's not the amount of money I spend, it is truly more about the thoughtfulness behind the gift.  I have received things such as magnets, ornaments, and notepads with encouraging words on them and I love them!  They've brought me joy for years.  Homemade cards and handwritten notes are also nice things to give and receive!  Think about the person you are giving to and what would bring a smile to their face. 

Inhale...Exhale...Let it be Easy...

Whatever your stress is now, whatever is causing you grief or anxiety, can you allow yourself to let it be easy?  What would happen if it was easier?  How would that look?  What would it feel like?  I've often told myself, it's not easy!  It's hard!  I'm working my butt off!  But then I've realized that some of the stress and anxiety (and some would say all of it!) actually was self-induced.  Why would I make things harder on myself than it really is?  I don't know, but check yourself.  Are you going crazy over something because you think it has to be "just so" but really it's just that you really really like it to be "just so" and it can be just as wonderful and serve it's purpose even if it isn't "just so"?  Maybe it's just me, but sometimes I get caught up in my own rules and regulations.  When I realize I can let it be easy or at least easier, I feel so much more at peace.  And isn't this the season for peace? 

So enjoy your holiday celebrations!  The giving and the sharing, the cooking and the cleaning, the shopping and the wrapping, the buying and the spending, the pageants and the plays, the singing and the laughter, the snow and the palm trees (Yep, I live in Texas now!), the families and the fun!  Create great memories and focus on the good things!

Inhale...Exhale...Let it be Easy...

Thanks for reading!  Do you have anything to add or share?  PLEASE DO!!! 

Thanks to Sabrina for sleeping so I could actually post today!  And thanks to the voice inside my head telling me to JUST DO IT!

Thank God for another day for amazing opportunities to love and give!

Love to you!
Kristie

Thanking God for Unanswered Prayers

Recently, something happened, or I should say, didn't happen, that I fully expected to happen.  I could see it, feel it, had built plans all around it.  I visualized, prayed, meditated, and anything else I thought I could do in effort to make it happen.  I was so sure it was going to happen.  I was so sure!  And then...it didn't.  Now what?

At first, I had to replay all the facts in my mind and well, that just pissed me off.  This should have happened!  But then, I started to widen my perspective and all I could think of was Garth Brooks singing, "Sometimes I thank God, for unanswered prayers..."  OK, OK, I get it, this is another one of those fabulous life lessons!  SUPER!!!  Just what I wanted.

So, like it or not, a lesson is being learned here and what that lesson is, is to be determined and well, kind of up to me.  I started to think about some other "unanswered prayers" that I've been so so grateful that God didn't listen to me!  Whew!  I hate to admit it, but I don't always know what I'm talking about and I've certainly had times that I've been so focused on what's right in front of me instead of opening up to greater possibilities.

A great example was back when I was teaching.  My classroom position was eliminated and I had the choice to go for a reading specialist position in my school, or go to a different school in the district and continue as a classroom teacher.  I really loved the school I taught in and loved all the students and their families.  I really wanted to stay and continue to work with all of those wonderful people.  However, I didn't get the reading specialist position.  So I sadly packed up my classroom and moved to the new school.   A couple days before the first day of school, my new principal approached me.  There was an overload of first graders and they wanted me to teach a first and second grade split class.  I gladly accepted the challenge.  That turned out to be one of the most challenging and rewarding years of teaching that I've had!  I learned so much and really sharpened my skills as an Early Literacy teacher.  Not to mention, my new school had lots of wonderful teachers, students, and families there too!  I felt very lucky to have the opportunity to grow so much as a professional.  A year later, my husband and I decided to pick up and move to Traverse City where I became a Literacy Consultant for Traverse Bay Area ISD.  No one, I tell you, NO ONE, would've been able to convince me that was going to happen!  I believe now it was because a greater plan was already set in motion for me.  I just hadn't caught up to it yet!

So today I sit with this new opportunity, a fresh start in a new direction.  I wonder what's going to happen, but I'm not worried like I would've been back in the day.  My stomach has some flutters, kind of like it does when something amazing and fun is about to happen!  Do I think it's all going to be easy?  No.  But I actually like having to work for it, to keep growing, and reaching, and listening, and learning.  And I like knowing that no matter what happens, if I'm being true to myself, and stay focused on living my dreams, they will all come true, exactly when they're supposed to!  Thank you God for always knowing which prayers to answer and when!

Have you ever been grateful for an unanswered prayer?  I'd love to hear from you!  Please share in the comment section or email me at: kristie.ignash@gmail.com!

Love to you!
Kristie