Saturday, August 13, 2016

Day 60: So Much Going On!!!

August 13, 2016

Hey Friends!  Happy Saturday!  Today I have SO MUCH going on in my head that I really need to "brain dump" some stuff and just talk to you about it!  I've even been having a hard time sleeping lately and maybe you noticed some random Facebook posts at 2:30 am!  Haha! Mostly it's because I'm thinking about so many exciting things on the horizon, but there's also some fears and anxieties that I'm working through.  I must say, I'm doing a pretty good job at navigating through the muck this time, and definitely my fears are quickly being replaced with simply standing in the truth and walking through it, while ignoring the taunts and teases of my fears.  Now that I've created some space between my thoughts, my body easily senses fear and as soon as I realize I'm feeling it, I take some deep breaths and redirect my thoughts.  It's taken some practice but I'm telling you, it totally works!

So anyway, I have been writing now for 60 days, well, with the exception of a few days grouped together here and there, but whatevs!  I've been writing again and I'm learning so much!  I can see patterns in myself and how I start to self sabotage right before a big break through.  Where I used to always raise the bar higher just before I reached a goal, now I stop making my goal a priority and let everything and everyone else come first.  OR the other lovely thing I have found myself doing is making sound decisions based on my current energy level and the current "To Do" items in cue but then later I want to criticize myself and act like I didn't do enough...again!

SAY WHAT????  What's that all about?  I may never know all the reasons WHY I do this, but the great thing about all of it is that this time, I'm writing about it and I'm being more accountable to myself through you (thanks for your help btw!) and since I can see it, I know that I just have to change the way I normally go through it.  And I am!  Big Time! Easy Peasy, Right?  ;)

So here's a little confession. There's this part of me, I think of her as the "Mean Girl,"  and she wants to kick my ass for not staying committed to all my workouts over the last two weeks.  She wants to call me names like lazy and fat. She wants to tell me I'm not trying hard enough and I'm making excuses and if I keep this up, my dreams will never come true.  She wants to shame me into working more, working harder, and feeling guilty all the time about well, pretty much everything. She is a super high maintenance perfectionist and quite frankly, she's completely exhausting! She is never ever satisfied!  She puts down my decision making, my parenting, my house keeping skills, my cooking, my time management skills, my body, how I wife, what kind of friend I seriously goes on and on with the judgement...if I let it, that is!  This mean girl is so desperately insecure and seeking approval that she doesn't even realize, approval is an inside job!  But I know!

This girl may still pop up for me at times, but the difference is, I keep her in her place.  I let her remind me of my drive and the reasons WHY I want to work hard but now I know better.

Now I tell her:

"Shut the EFF UP!!!"  **Note: This is an important first step!**

"I'm not lazy! I'm not fat!  I'm strong!  I'm worthy!  I can do great things, but not ALL things, at least not all at the same time! I'm moving forward!  I know what I want!  I know who I AM!.  I have priorities! I have boundaries! I LOVE MYSELF!!! I'm beautiful!  I'm taking great care of myself, my well being, and my body! I know taking care of myself and my body doesn't mean pushing all the time! Sometimes it means gentle care.  More rest.  More water.  More healthy foods.  More praise. More love.  More appreciation. More softness.  More kindness. More FLOW.  More EASE.  More LOVE.  I don't have to listen to you anymore!  I don't agree with you! You SUCK anyways!!!!"

Gosh that feels good to type it all out here!!!  Hahaha!

It makes it even more real for me because you know what?  I'm tired of being afraid.  I'm tired of holding back.  I'm going to be Forty Fricken Three in 4 days, you guys!  Forty Freakin Three!!!!!  It's not that I feel that's old, I really don't, but at the same time, I have learned a thing or two in my time because I have been through some sh*t in 43 years!

The time is NOW to break through barriers and make things happen!  Or I should say, ALLOW them in co-creation!  Ha!  I may be able to "make" some things happen but there are forces beyond my control that I need to acknowledge and know that "my way" may not be the way it's meant to be.  So it's then that I need to surrender and let things flow as they will.  I know that this seems so confusing sometimes because honestly, sometimes it does to me too, but really all it means is that we do what we can and the rest is up to God/The Universe.

So what is the truth that I need to hold onto here about the last couple weeks?  Did I "fail" as some would call it?  Well, here's what happened:

1. I got bored of my routine.  I needed to mix things up a bit to keep it exciting!
2. I was tired and my feet and left hamstring were really sore, like, borderline injury sore.
3. We had company and I made enjoying them and being with them a priority.
4. I  drank Shakeology and lots of water.  I ate much cleaner with a few exceptions.
5. I did two workouts, went for 2 bike rides and a walk.
6. I cleaned out everyone's closet, and got rid of 2 bags of garbage and 2 bags went to Goodwill.
7. I went back to school shopping for like, 3 days straight!
8. I spent quality time filling my (margarita, wine, beer, and positive energy) cup by seeing "Bad Moms" with some of my mom friends!

So when I reflect on my last two weeks, I really see no reason to shame myself.  I don't see failure at all.  In fact, I feel pretty good about all the stuff I got done!  I'm also pretty proud of myself for resting more when I needed it.  I used to be really hard on myself when I needed to rest (see Mean Girl comments above for a reminder!) but now I just know I need it and accept it.  There's no reason to shame it or judge it!  I just took a break!  Geesh!  No big deal!  I think a lot of people are hard on themselves and need to work on this one!  Do YOU?

Perspective is everything!  I can either use my thoughts and words to destroy my confidence and make me feel like I'm never going to be good enough, OR I can use them to build myself up and give me the strength and courage I need to create a life I love!  At the very least, I can use them to make a shift and feel better in the moment!  (Feeling better in the moment is more important than we realize!) The more I practice, the better I get, and the easier it becomes.  More and more I'm living as my higher self and as I keep learning and growing, and practicing and becoming, I am more connected to everything.  Including You!  I love that, don't you?

Speaking of perspective, here's a little perspective for you.  Here is a picture of me when I finished Turbo Fire 3 years ago.  I was just about to turn 40.  I had lost 7 pounds and weighed in at 130. Normally my goal weight would be 120-125 but I was happy with my muscle tone so the weight wasn't that important to me.  I don't know how many inches I lost but I was wearing a 4/6 and I normally wear a 6.  I was feeling strong, healthy, and good about myself for what I had accomplished.

Here is a picture of me yesterday.  After getting in 6 solid weeks of Turbo Fire and PiYo and then the last two weeks, well, you already know that story!  

When I started I weighed 151 and I felt really bad about that because I was so surprised I gained that much weight.  I don't know what I weigh right now but it's probably around 147 because that's what it was when I weighed myself last.  I haven't wanted to weigh again and risk feeling discouraged since the scale still has a little bit of a grip on me, so I keep weighing to a minimum.  But this is why perspective, PICTURES, and self talk are so important!  If I focused on the numbers only, I would not be able to see what I really look like, which to me, is healthy!  I may not be as lean as I was and I can see that my shorts look a little tighter (and they are) but so what?!?!  I don't look that much different!  Now that I'm more consistent again, I'm getting my tone back and I'm getting stronger.  I feel more energetic and more confident!  Doesn't that count WAY MORE than what I weigh?  I'm now wearing a 6/8, but so what?  That's not a bad thing!  It's only bad if I think it is!

Here's a side by side comparison:

My goals are different now.  I don't even know if I have a weight goal anymore.  I just want to feel my best and keep doing what makes me feel that way.  I know that reaching a certain goal weight is a fleeting feeling anyway.  Been there!  Done that!  Continuously doing things daily to take good care of yourself is what makes a person healthy and happy.  That's my goal for myself and it's also what I help people with as a coach. Most importantly, I want to teach this and model this for my sweet girls! We all deserve to learn that we are so much more than our negative thoughts, how much we weigh, or what our body looks like!  Don't you agree?

So this post has had a mind of it's own and I know I may have been a little around the block and all over the place with it, but you forgive me for not being perfect, right?   Even though I didn't start out having any plans for telling you how much I weigh (Eek!  I'm still kind of shocked that I did that!), or for telling everyone such personal thoughts and insecurities, I'm going to hit "publish" anyway.  I'm just trying to be me and I have to answer that call however it comes.  I know that by sharing my story some may judge me or think differently or maybe even less of me, but some may learn from me. Some may see themselves in me. Some may relate and connect and feel something stirring inside of them. Some may be inspired to work through some of their own stuff and become who they are really meant to be. Some may finally realize how beautiful they are, how strong they are, and how worthy they are of living a happy, healthy, fantastic life!

Maybe that someone is You???!!!

That is the power of truth.  That is the power of connection. That is the power of Just BEing!

Thanks for being here!  Until next time...

Love to You!

Monday, August 5, 2013

12 Days til 40 ~ Living the Healthy Life!

So the countdown is on!  I have 12 more days in my 30's!  What the????  How in the world did it go so fast?  I used to think 40 was old.  Hell, I used to think 30 was old, 24 was old!  So now, am I old?  I don't feel like it!!  In fact, I feel like I'm just getting started!  Yesterday I shared my post from last year, 39 Things I've Learned in 39 Years and How They Help Me Live My Best Life Now on my facebook page and re-reading it has made me reflect on the past year, and how my life has changed since becoming a mom.  

I've been reminiscing about everything that I've done and been through; the past 7 years and my journey through pregnancies and being a mom, my journey as a teacher, consultant, blogger, stay at home mom, work from home mom, life coach, and fitness coach, my experiences as a wife, a friend, a daughter, and moving from one side of the country to another, and of course, my health and fitness journey through the years. There are so many things that I've learned and I'm excited to share with you!

My goal over the next two weeks is to post 
something every day about what I've learned in the past, what I'm doing and learning each day, and what life really is like when you're stepping into your authentic self and creating the kind of life you dream of!  My hope is to inspire you to continue to take your own steps and make your dreams come true!! 

So today I wanted to start with what life was like about a year ago.  We were enjoying our summer and I was preparing myself and Allison for kindergarten.  I was kind of nervous but pretty sure we were going to have a great year AND I was beginning to do more things for myself, outside of being a mom.

When I became I mom, I dedicated myself to the role.  I absolutely ADORE babies and children and ALWAYS knew that when I got to be a mom, it would be one of the most perfect, beautiful, and wonderful things that I would ever do.  And it has been!  I have been blessed beyond measure with two healthy, loving, creative, smart, funny, awesome little girls!  I LOVE being a mom, just like I knew I would.  I appreciate that I've been able to stay home with them and be there for them just like I always wanted.  That being said, I could also feel this deep calling that it was time to make a shift and do something for me!  

I was at my parent's one day and noticed an ad on the back of the "Star" magazine that comes in the Sunday paper.  It said, "BE our Cover Model!  Seeking San Antonio women with a passion for living a healthy, balanced life!"  I was like, that's me!  The contest was for a new local magazine called Healthy Life Body*Mind*Spirit.  

I had never entered a contest like this before and I was kind of surprised how bad I wanted it!  Me??  A cover model?  Where did this come from?  I was excited to represent myself as a "fit mom" and thought about how I wanted to inspire other women, especially those that are constantly caring for others, to take care of themselves too.  I brought the Star home and got right to work on my essay.  It flowed easily and I felt good about it. They also wanted a picture of you showing your healthy lifestyle.  I sent them this one:

A few weeks later I received an email saying I was chosen as one of the finalists!  WOOHOO!!!!  I was so excited!  I had to go downtown for a test shoot for final selection.!  It was one of the coolest things I've ever done!  I hadn't had a photo shoot since my wedding and it was so much fun getting all prettied up and taking pics.  It was so much fun doing something for me and it inspired me to dream bigger.  

I didn't hear anything for a while and then found out in September that they were going to change the format a little.  Instead of it being a magazine, it was going to be a section in the newspaper.  Time went by and I got busy.  Kindergarten was a lot busier than I anticipated and we needed some adjustment time.  I never forgot about the contest but I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen.  In November, (maybe early December?) I got a call from the San Antonio Express News...I was chosen to be the January Cover Model!!!  AHHHHH!!!!  I was so excited!    This meant I did NOT overindulge over the holidays and I stayed on track with my exercise!  Yay me!  ;)

It was an AMAZING experience!  I felt like a princess!  Everyone was so kind and made me feel so comfortable!  I was introduced as "Kristie, our cover model" and I could NOT stop smiling!  I have never had anyone pick out a wardrobe for me and it was interesting to see what they picked!  I had ladies helping me with my make-up and jewelry.  It was so much fun!  I felt so honored and so happy!  For just a few hours, I felt a million miles away from juggling meals, dishes, laundry, and homework.  From having sticky hands squeeze my legs and boogers being wiped on my shirt.  It was an awesome contrast and because I had some special time to make things happen for myself, when I came home, I appreciated the boogers and tears and chocolate kisses that much more!  It's all about the balance, right?!  

Here is the cover:  

This is what the section with the article looked like:

Not very good quality!  I need to take a better pic!

Here are some more pics from that day:

Remember when I did that 30 Day Video Challenge?  
This is the video where I talk about my Cover Model experience!  

Talk to you tomorrow!  

Love to You!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Conversations with God in the Shower and How I'm Answering the Call!

My whole life I wanted to become a teacher.  If you've been reading along with me, or you've checked out my "about me" page, you already know this.  It was just something I knew I would become.

When I became a public school teacher, I felt at home.  I was driven to succeed.  I would do anything I could to do my best.  I loved my students like they were my own!  I was passionate about it!  I put my all into it.  It was awesome!

About six years into teaching, I could no longer ignore the fact that I felt sick a lot of the time.  I would get headaches most days of the week.  I would get a cold or cough that would linger for weeks on end.  When it would finally go away, I'd have a healthy week or two and then I'd get sick again.  I felt exhausted.  I would come home and sit down and feel like I couldn't move.  I was bloated all the time.  I was feeling anxious, tense, and stressed.

I remember this one Friday, I felt especially stressed.  I had a million things going on.  Work was getting so stressful, morale was low.  People were feeling strained with all of the changes going on in the system;  new tests and testing procedures, budget cuts, difficulties with the children, difficulty with the lack of support from parents, tension between the staff and administration.  It was getting to be too much!  I felt completely overwhelmed with negativity!

I hopped in the shower to wash the week away.  I started thinking about everything and had a really scary realization, I wasn't happy anymore.  But how could that BE?  I love my kids!  I love teaching!  I  panicked.  What the hell am I going to do now?  I've always wanted this!  This was always my dream!  How could it not be working anymore?   Why doesn't it feel good anymore?  I am NO QUITTER!!!!   But this can't be what my life feels like forever!  I don't even have my own kids yet!  How am I going to keep this up and make my other dreams come true too?

I asked God, what am I doing?   Is this the way I'm supposed to feel for the rest of my life?  Why doesn't it feel right anymore?  What am I supposed to be doing?  Please, please help me.  I started sobbing.

I felt the rush of everything coming out of me.  I felt the release.  I felt the surrender.  I let it all come out through my tears.  I cried for a while and kept asking, what am I gonna do?  What am I supposed to do?

Suddenly a thought popped into my head.  You need to talk to people about God.  You need to tell people about God.  I was so confused.  I thought, what???  Trust me, I'm no nun!  I'm not the type to quote the bible!  I don't really want to teach in a Catholic school! (because I heard they get paid less)  How am I supposed to be doing that?  Talking about God?  What does that mean?

I still think it's funny that my first thought was "nun."  I guess growing up Catholic, I associated a nun with a woman who has devoted her life to talking about God.  And for some reason, that is what I feel like my message was.  That not only would I just devote an hour a week at church to God, but that I was somehow supposed to devote my daily living to God and to share that with others.  I still had no idea what this meant for me and what I was supposed to do next.

Things didn't appear to change drastically in the moment, but I do recognize this as a giant shift in my life.  I began to see myself more as a leader and one who wanted to create change.  I finished my master's degree and took a job as a teacher consultant.  It was a great fit for two years and then once again, it was time for a change.  I had my first daughter, quit my job, and stayed home to care for my new baby.  This is when I really got to know God.

Having a baby helped me to understand the gift of life.  Slowing down my life to care for her, be with her, and watch her develop, was such a great joy!  For the first time EVER I finally understood what living in the moment really meant.  And all that stuff about NOW is all we ever really have?  I finally got it!  I didn't always "get it" and I still don't live like this always, but I was able to slow down enough to feel it and be conscious of it several times throughout the day.  I felt like I was finally really living my life!  I started reading more about how to create the kind of life I really wanted and develop myself so I could actually do it!

At the same time, things were extremely difficult!  Remember how I quit my job?  Ya, well that was spontaneous and even though it was something I always wanted, we weren't prepared to live on one income.  In fact, we were grossly under-prepared.  I used to smile on the outside but cringe on the inside when people would say, "Oh, you're SO LUCKY you get to do that!  We could NEVER do it because we couldn't afford it!"  I wondered what they would think of us if they knew the behind the scenes story.  We're crazy?  Stupid?  Making a mistake?  SUPER CRAZY??  Need counseling???  I don't know, but what I do know is, it was FAITH that got us through it and it is still FAITH that gets us through!!

Since I quit my job 6 years ago, I've tried out many things.  I've done contractual work as a consultant.  I've been a mystery shopper.  I tried being a jewelry maker.  I tried out photography.  I've been a skin care/cosmetics demonstrator.  I thought about becoming a personal trainer or a group fitness instructor.  I've thought about becoming a yoga instructor.

Nothing ever felt quite right until I did my first retreat for women.  Since I had been a consultant and provided workshops for teachers, I felt like having a retreat was an easy transition.  It was called "Live a Life You Love" and it was magical!  Here I got to gather women together and remind them to value themselves, take good care of themselves, dream, love, have faith, and be happy!  It was my first experience talking to people about God and the power of creating the life you really want!  It felt so right!  I came home that day and was flying!  In fact, I was flying for about a week afterwards!  I felt the power of empowering and inspiring others!  I knew I wanted more!

Since then, I had another baby, moved across the country, moved into my dream home, and enjoy good health!  I started this blog, ran a half-marathon, and started my own coaching business called BE. Inspired Coaching.  After immersing myself in self development since my pregnancy with my first daughter, being a life coach gives me the opportunity to share with others all that I've learned over the years.  I get to talk about God, having a higher purpose, following your heart, listening to your intuition, rising to the challenge, giving yourself a break, and knowing that you are ALWAYS loved and NEVER alone!   I get to help myself and others get organized, make a flexible plan, accomplish their goals and  HAVE FUN AND ENJOY THEIR LIVES!  I get to live a healthy life that feels good to me and encourage others to live a healthy, inspired life!

As a coach, I wanted to do something to get more people involved and decided to do an exercise challenge this past April.  Through this challenge, not only did I connect with some awesome people who saw real results in just 30 days, but I also found a piece that was missing from my and fitness.  I want to bring inspired spiritual messages to people AND I also know that when your body is healthy, strong and fit, you can do amazing things!  I know that when I make it through a physical challenge like teaching myself how to run long distances, I feel a sense of accomplishment that is impossible to measure!  It's such an amazing feeling!  When you learn you can do more than you thought, you want to keep doing more!  The trick is to learn what the "right" things are for you!  This is why becoming a Beachbody coach felt like exactly the right fit!  Now I get to inspire people to be their best selves; body, mind, and spirit!  I get to teach.  I get to listen.  I get to support.  I get to help people make their dreams come true and do things they never thought possible!  I'm aligned with people who are positive and want to do great things in their lives!  Now that IS lucky!  :)

It took about 9 years after that conversation with God in the shower of trying new things and taking steps along the path, but now that I'm here I feel like I'm home!  This feels right!  This is what I'm supposed to be doing right now!  Is this it, forever and ever, Amen?  No.  I know I want even more!  I know I want to publish a book someday.  I know I want to be a public figure somehow.  I know I want to give back in a BIG way.  I don't know how or when or what this is all gonna look like but one thing I know for sure, I can do it!  I have faith!  I've learned to trust the process.  I believe in my dreams!  I may slip once in a while, but I know the truth.  God is good and our dreams are real.  They are on purpose to remind us there are limitless opportunities!  Listen to your heart and you will know!  And if you ever need any help with this, please let me know!  You know I'd love to help you!  :)

Lots and Lots of Love to You!

P.S. I don't blog as often as I would like but I make regular, daily posts on my facebook page.  Follow me at  I'd love to see you there!  :)

P.S.S. Don't miss out!  I will begin the 30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge on June 1st!  You can sign up here on the sidebar of my blog.  I'm also starting a Beachbody Challenge on June 10th!  Email me at for more information!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Check this out...A New Challenge Starts June 1st!!

It is OFFICIAL!!!!  The NEXT 30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge will begin June 1, 2013!!
I'm sooo excited!!!  WOOHOO!!!  :)

Let me just tell you, I've really found my calling here.  I realized after doing the first challenge back in April how important making your health a priority is and how I really have a passion for living a fit, healthy, and inspired life!  Now that I'm back on track, I am addicted!!  I don't want to stop and I want to keep helping others get healthier too!

So this is what I want to know from you...are you READY??  :)

Are you ready to make your health a priority?
Do you want to be strong and fit in mind, body, and spirit?
Do you need some support and encouragement to stay on track?

I want to help you!!  

If you're anything like me, you want to make your health a priority but with busy schedules, families to take care of, work to be done, and households to keep up, it's not always easy to do!  Wouldn't it be easier to exercise regularly if you had daily support?  What if somebody was there to give you inspiration and motivation everyday?  What if you had help with accountability in a positive and exciting way?  Wouldn't it be easier to do it if it was FUN?

If this sounds like you, you've come to the right place!  The 30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge will begin on June 1st and I would LOVE if you would join the team!!!

So what is the 30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge?

1. Everyday for 30 days you will exercise for at least 20 minutes doing an activity of your choice.  (I will give you ideas on what you can do, but it will all be your choice!)

2. Everyday for 30 days you will "check in" on my Facebook  BE. Inspired Coaching page once your workout is complete.  You can write: Check!  Done!  Did it!  I ran today!  ...whatever you feel comfortable with!  (If you aren't on Facebook, you can still participate through email check in, though you will be missing the team/community interaction that goes along with the public posts.)

3. Everyday for 30 days you will receive positive messages of  inspiration, motivation, encouragement, and enrichment!  I will provide you with guidance in exercise, health, and overall well being through my own personal experiences as well as citing expert sources.  I will encourage the team to be interactive and supportive of one another through posts, so you will be receiving live assistance every day!!

4. You will receive two coaching videos, specially made for this team, with stories, tips, and tools that have helped me make it easier to incorporate healthy living and exercise into my life.

My goal is to help as many people as possible start to live a healthier life NOW!!!  I know it's a challenge to exercise regularly on your own, to find the strength to keep going...I want to help you with that!  I want you to feel good about yourself!  I want to help you do your best!  I want you to feel good about your life!  I want you to have more energy and feel comfortable in your own body!  I want you to feel strong and EMPOWERED!!!

KNOW you can do it and if we do it TOGETHER, you will have the support and guidance you need to keep going when things get tough!!

The investment is small, just $15 for the entire challenge!  That's just 50 cents a day!  $3.50 a week!  Less than the cost of a gallon of gas!  Less than the cost of a Starbucks premium coffee!  Less than a drink at a restaurant or bar!  What a small price to pay for a HUGE investment in your life and your health!!

How do I sign up?
There are two ways to sign up: click on the 30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge "Add to Bag" button on the sidebar of this blog or click here to go to my Facebook BE. Inspired Coaching page, click on the blue "shop" button, and find "30 Day BE. Inspired Exercise Challenge".  Simply click to sign up!  Please let me know if you have any questions or need any help!

You will receive an email within 24 hours that confirms your entry into the challenge.  I will email you at the address that's listed with your payment.  If this isn't the email you want to receive your daily messages and video clips, please email me at  Thanks!

If you've been wanting to do this on your own anyway, today is the day to take that step!  Don't wait anymore!!!  Sign up with someone who truly cares about your success and see what you can really do!!!  I look forward to having you join the team and working with you on this challenge!!

Love to You!

P.S. Did you hear?  I'm also a Beachbody Fitness Coach!!  Beachbody Challenges are more specific and designed to help you get RESULTS!  You follow a workout program, get a ton of guidance in nutrition, and a lot of FANTASTIC daily support and coaching from me!!  :)  We will not only work on the outside, we will work on the inside as well!  It is truly an opportunity for you to completely TRANSFORM your life!!  If this is something you're interested in, I would LOVE to help you!  If you want to learn more about Beachbody Challenges, please send me an email at  In the meantime, please check out my website.    I can't wait to hear from you!!

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Sunday Free Write

I haven't done this on this blog before, I usually save this kind of writing for my journal.  Today I wanted to share it with you because I'm realizing how important it is for me to be as transparent as possible.  I want to share my stories with you so you know that you can make your life what you want it to be!

Today I felt the urge to Free Write and this is what came out...

How can I stop myself, from blocking myself, until I know that I'm blocking myself?

But then when I know, I have to sit with it and feel it's density pressing against my dreams, threatening to permeate.  I have a choice.  Do I push through it??   OR...  Decide to back away?  ...Again...

Why wouldn't I just go for it?  Why wouldn't I just do it?

It's scary?  It's unknown?  It feels uncomfortable?  It's uncertain?  I'm vulnerable?  I don't know what I'm doing yet?  I might make a mistake?  I probably WILL make a mistake!  It's new after all.  That would be make a mistake.  Wouldn't want to do anything new just in case I looked stupid doing it!  Who would think I look stupid?  Does it matter anyway?????  NO!!!!  HELL NO!!!!  I have to just do it!!!!!!!!!

I can't even spend another minute worrying about what anyone else might think but me!  I have to go out there and DO what I'm being PULLED to do and stop being afraid of it!  I need to step into the FLOW of ALLOWING it and ENJOY the ride!!!  Why can't I enjoy the ride?

I do enjoy the ride!  So much more than before.  But I still shrink it back, wonder if this is too good to be true.  Wonder if I can really do it all.  How can I allow such love and beauty in my life when so many others are suffering?  When is the other shoe gonna drop?  When will the bubble be burst?  All this good stuff, when is the bad gonna show up?

The truth is, it's already here.  There's always good and bad present.  Highs and lows.  Light and darkness.  They're always here at the same time.  So don't rob your own joy anymore!!  Quit allowing the worry! It's a done deal!  I can do it!  God is leading the way!  I am being Divinely Guided!  I can't ask for it everyday and think it's not working, I have to TRUST that this is all happening for me so I can be the VERY BEST I can BE!!!  It can be as good as I let it be.  ALL signs are pointing...Step Into Your Light!!!!!  

Let it shine as bright as you can and THIS is how you will help others step into theirs!

Anything else?  No.  I think that's it for now!

Love to You!!