Saturday, January 7, 2012

Be You! No Guilt!! No Apologies!!!

When I was a little girl I was very confident.  I knew what I liked, I knew what I didn't like and I never had a problem with expressing myself.  I danced.  I sang.  I did cartwheels.  I wore my black patent leather shoes in the bathroom so I could pretend to tap dance.  I thought I was good.  I liked it.  I had fun.  I was 100% me.

  Allison: Doesn't everyone wear a sundress with arm warmers, 
pants, boots, and a baseball hat to ride their bike 
in January?


                               Sabrina:  My big sister is so cool!!!

As I grew up, I started to notice that people put labels on other people, and things.  They called them things like good, bad, cool, nerdy, smart, and stupid.  Sometimes I agreed with the label and other times I didn't.  Sometimes I just went along with it.  I mean, I used to peg my pants with the best of em, but I don't know if I really liked that look or I did it because it was the "cool" thing to do!  (Who decided that was cool anyway?)  Out of concern for looking "stupid" for trying something new that I wasn't immediately good at, or for doing something that other people might think was "nerdy" I held myself back.  I stuck to the things that I was most naturally good at and did my best.  Which was OK.  And let me stress this, it was O.  K.  But one day I decided, I don't want my life to be just OK!

Did I really hold myself back because I was worried that someone else might judge me negatively?????

It has taken me some time in my own self growth to realize that I have held myself back.  Other people's labels and judgements were not what held me back.  It was my own FEAR of how I would FEEL if people thought or said something negative about me.  (Typing this right now, reading it, and saying it in my head really makes it hit harder in my heart and mind.)  How could we ever hold ourselves back from living our best life and having the greatest life experiences simply based on our worry over another person's thoughts or feelings?  That's ridiculous!!!  Oops!  Label!  Sorry! ;)

People are going to have their own opinions and they may or may not agree with yours.  We need to just accept that and get over it!  It's supposed to be like that because we're all different.   You are made uniquely you with your own thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes, wants, desires, perspective, etc.!  We may connect with some people on some things and be on way different ends of the spectrum on others.  This is on purpose!  We can always learn something from someone who has a different opinion than ours and we can also decide, you know what, I just don't agree!  I'm gonna do what I need to do! 

My husband likes to say,

"It's none of your business what other people think about you."  

I remember feeling really annoyed and frustrated when he first said this to me.  But it's true.  How does anyone ever really know how another person feels anyway, even if they tell you?  So, it's irrelevant.  Not an issue.  It's an imaginary glass wall between you and the things you want to do, try, and be.  We're not living life to be accepted by others, we're living life to be our best selves.  To be loving.  To give.  To do good.  To laugh.  To experience all the beauty and wonder of everything around us.  So always try in everything you do to be yourself.  It's good for you and for everyone else... whether they know it or not!

The "G" word

No, not gum or grandma, it's guilt!  If you have some, it's time to get rid of it!  Some people say guilt and worry are wasteful and while I agree, I also think they serve their purpose.  Guilt is something that can sit on your head and cloud your judgement and allow you to choose differently than you would without it.  When you feel guilty about something it could mean a lot of things.  Maybe things turned out in a way you hadn't planned and someone got hurt.  Perhaps you made a decision that you knew better on.  It's important to think about why you feel guilty and understand what it's telling you. 

This is what I've learned about guilt:  sitting around feeling guilty, which often leads you to feeling anxious, sad, frustrated, depressed, and sick, doesn't help anyone or anything!  If you want to help yourself or anyone else, say you're sorry, forgive yourself, do what you can to make it better whatever that may be, but please, don't just sit with it!  Some people sit with guilt for years and their life turns into one big regret!

Another thing to consider about guilt is that you may be feeling guilty over something you have no business feeling guilty over!  How many of us parents have ever felt guilty for going to work?  taking time for ourselves?  forgetting something?  Have you ever felt guilty over something that you personally had no control over?  Have you ever felt guilty because you had to make an important decision for yourself that other people didn't agree with, understand, or want you to make?  Release yourself from the opinion of others!  Have you ever made a mistake that you keep reliving and still feel guilty over?  It's time to stop!  Remind yourself that when you know better, you do better (props again to Oprah!).  You can't relive the past, but you can do better in the future.  Don't let guilt hold you back anymore!

No Apologies Please

I'm not sure this is as big of a problem with men as it is with women, but us women are often throwing around the "sorry's" like it's the last day to use the darn word!  I have to once again give honorable mention to Brad, my husband, who always asks me why I'm sorry.  "Why are you sorry the sheets aren't dry yet?  Did you throw extra water on them so they wouldn't dry faster?"  "Why are you sorry that I bumped my head?  Did you make that cupboard jump out and hit me?"  Why am I so sorry all the time?  I guess what I really mean is, I care for your comfort.  I love you.  Feel better soon!  Saying I'm sorry is probably a habit more than anything.  Try to stop apologizing for everything and only apologize for legitimate reasons.  This is very freeing.  I'm still working on it! 

Another thing to consider, and this is a big one, do you apologize for who you are?

I don't think I've ever really apologized for being me, well, maybe I have out of a lack for better words, but I know I've compromised my own beliefs to try to keep peace.  I don't recommend this.  It can lead to things getting sticky and ugly.  It's like a ticking time bomb...and you're the bomb.  I'm not talking about little things.  It's good to be flexible.  It's good to think of how you're impacting the lives of others.  I'm talking about the build up over time.  You can compromise, you can agree to disagree, you can turn the other cheek, whatever, but if you realize you're not being yourself anymore, it's definitely time for a change.  Don't apologize for who you are!  The world needs you to be YOU!  You have special gifts and talents that need to be expressed and if you're not able to do that because you're always compromising and holding back, you're not allowing what's meant to be! 

So take a stand.  Promise yourself that today, starting now, you will Be You!  No Guilt!  No Apologies!  Do whatever it takes to be on a path that allows you to continuously grow, learn, and develop as the beautiful person that you are!  I will be right here with you, cheering you on!

Love to You!


P.S. I just started a facebook page for Kristie Just Bein!  If you want to check it out, click here!

P.S.S.  I'd love to know if any of this is helpful to you and what else is on your mind!  Don't be shy!  Please share any thoughts, comments, and words of wisdom that you have! 

Monday, January 2, 2012

New Years Resolution: Be the Best You in 2012!

Happy Prosperous, Peaceful, and Magical 2012 to you!  Every year I say this, but I can't believe it's already 2012!  The time really flies with each passing year, especially now that I have children.  This past year has brought about a lot of changes in my life and has been one of many ups, some downs, and lots of growing.  I have always been a New Year's Resolution kind of person and this year is no exception.  I've learned a lot about goal setting that has really hit home for me and as I reflect and make decisions about my goals for the upcoming year, I feel empowered and determined to make 2012 the BEST year yet!!!

How Will Your Success Story Unfold in 2012? 

You've all heard it before,  the only person you really have control over is yourself.  You can try to control or manipulate someone else's behavior, and other's can try to control you, but in the end, you have to take 100% responsiblity for your own life.  You own the energy you bring into the room (thank you Oprah!) and you have the choice to change your attitude, your thinking, your appearance, your surroundings, your company, and your way of life if you aren't happy with where you're at and where you're heading.   Taking 100% responsibility for your own life can be a little daunting though, especially when you start to realize you might be standing in the way of your own success.

What????  Standing in the way of my own success?  But who would do such a thing?

Recognize the Barriers You Put Up for Yourself!

We all have a story that we live, that we tell ourselves, and that we tell other people.  Sometimes our story contains things that hurt rather than help.  Do you have any old wounds that keep you from doing everything you can to live your dreams?  Are you ever afraid that you won't be good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not strong enough, you can't afford it, nobody believes you can do it, etc.?  Do you find yourself repeating some of the same problems that you've been having FOR - EVER and realize there's got to be more to life than this? 

If so, this is good!  It might not seem like it right now, but recognizing any of these things in yourself is the first step in moving in the direction of change.  Of making it better.  Of creating the life of your dreams!  But...if you want to create the life of your dreams STOP telling yourself and others these things that are not true!!!

I've come to realize that my biggest barrier at the moment is that I believe I don't have enough time to do all the things I want to do.  If I spend all the time I need to caring for, teaching, and playing with my children, taking care of the house, completing all my errands and chores like shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, being a good wife, daughter, and friend, and working out, I don't have much time left for my many aspirations and entrepreneurial goals.  But really, this way of thinking is all wrong, and not serving me well at all!

The truth is, that everyday that I write, I'm taking steps toward my dreams of becoming an author.  Everyday that I study self help practices and then put them into action, I am making progress toward my own goals and the goals I have for helping others!  I have chosen to stay home with my children and make "Mommy" my most dominant role at this time.  That is what I've always wanted.  I was the little girl who played house and school all the time, so it's no wonder I grew up wanting to be a teacher and a mom above everything else.  I need to embrace this while it's here because the time does fly and my babies are growing up!  Allison will start kindergarten in the fall, so my time of having two children at home all day is limited.  I have to focus on what I really want the most, which for me is being Mom, and know that the other things will come in time as long as I continuously take steps towards reaching my other goals.  Not every goal is achieved immediately.  In fact most aren't.  Some happen quicker than others.  In life we have to choose to enjoy the journey, to enjoy all the steps along the way.  We can have it all, but not all at the same time!  I really am so grateful and appreciate that somehow, someway we have been able to continue with this lifestyle.  I absolutely love being home with my children all day and appreciate all that they teach me about life!  I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. 

                                         My Little Ladies!

Life is not about getting "there."  You ARE there!  You are here, in life, right now!  When I remember that I really am living my dreams and now I  have some new dreams that I want to start working towards, I feel so much happier.  What can you be happy about, grateful for, and proud of now?  Recognizing your barriers and working to get rid of the negative thoughts and feelings that are holding you back are an important piece in the creation puzzle.  Be conscious of your "story" and change it if you need to!  Sometimes all you need is to change your thinking or your perspective, and you're back on track!

Now, what else do you want to accomplish? 

The only way to get what you really want, is to know what you really want.

And the only way to know what you really want, is to know yourself.
And the only way to know yourself, is to be yourself.
And the only way to be yourself, is to listen to your heart!
I do,
    The Universe

Set Clear, Precise Goals!

Sometimes we have so many things on our list of goals it's overwhelming and then we do nothing.  Although I think we're always in motion, taking steps towards something (even if it's more of the same thing), it's important to be consciously aware of what we really want.  I don't mean, I want a hot fudge sundae right now want.  I mean, I really really so bad want something!  If you really want to achieve your goals, choose your goals carefully.  Sometimes we think we want something, but we really don't because we're not willing to sacrifice what it takes to get it!  How many people really want a fantastic beach body?  How many people are willing to put in the work to get one?  When you're not really in it to win it, you are left feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, a failure.  Ask yourself, what is really important to me?  What do I really really want?  Maybe you start with one goal in each of the seven categories as Jack Canfield suggests:

1. Financial Goals
2. Career/Business Goals
3. Free Time/Family Time
4. Health/Appearance Goals
5. Relationship Goals
6. Personal Growth
7. Making a Difference

This model gives you a balanced set of goals in all the different areas of your life.  If this feels too lofty right now, consider making a list of goals in all these areas and then choosing just one goal, the one that is the most important to you right this minute, to accomplish.  Be specific in writing this goal.  Think about what it will look like and how it will feel when you accomplish this goal.  How it will postively affect your life and others' lives?  Put everything you have into this goal!  Let nothing hold you back.  Stay focused and trust that you will find a way to make it happen.  When you do this, the Universe (GOD) acts in response to your commitment and things start to flow into your life that help you accomplish this goal.  Make a plan and stick to it as much as humanly possible.  Ask your friends and family for support.  Do it like you've never done anything before!  Kick fear to the curb!  Let it be your motivation to prove to yourself that you can do it!  It won't all be easy, but it will be worth it.  Any struggles you have, any resistance you have to the process will teach you something that you need to know!  Trust yourself.  You are divinely guided.  You are loved.  You have purpose.  You CAN  do it!  Know this and I know you will be able to do it!

Make it About Others

This way of thinking is particularly helpful when things get tough, and at some point, it will get tough and you may start to question your reasoning and commitment to the process.  But instead of scrapping the whole thing ask yourself, how does my achieving this goal help others?  When I was training for my half marathon I felt like I was doing something great for myself.  I had some awesome "me" time, I was doing something to improve my health, I was doing something to improve my appearance.  But things got tough.  I was tired since I was still up a few times most nights, the runs were getting longer and it got harder to find the time to fit in the training, I developed some foot pain, etc.  To keep me going I thought, I have to do this to set an example for my daughters.  They need to see me pushing through my struggles.  They need to know that when the going gets tough, you just have to keep moving forward!  I wanted them to see me making time for myself and taking good care of myself.  Not to mention when I'm running/working out regularly I have more energy, I'm happier, and I feel more excited about life in general!  I am more patient, kind, and loving.  I am truly a better person when I'm taking care of my health and fitness.  So keep in mind, this is about you, but it's not ONLY about you!  You have the opportunity to positively impact other people's lives in every moment.  When you are achieving your goals and dreams, you are fulfilling your purpose and your purpose is always linked to serving and helping others.  Always.  Isn't that a beautiful thing?

So gear up for a fantastic year!  The year of "YOU",  the best you ever!  I will be right here with you working, growing, learning, and striving to continuously improve!  Share your goals with me here today and let's get started!  I look forward to hearing your success stories!

Love to You!