Saturday, January 7, 2012

Be You! No Guilt!! No Apologies!!!

When I was a little girl I was very confident.  I knew what I liked, I knew what I didn't like and I never had a problem with expressing myself.  I danced.  I sang.  I did cartwheels.  I wore my black patent leather shoes in the bathroom so I could pretend to tap dance.  I thought I was good.  I liked it.  I had fun.  I was 100% me.


  Allison: Doesn't everyone wear a sundress with arm warmers, 
pants, boots, and a baseball hat to ride their bike 
in January?

 


                               Sabrina:  My big sister is so cool!!!


As I grew up, I started to notice that people put labels on other people, and things.  They called them things like good, bad, cool, nerdy, smart, and stupid.  Sometimes I agreed with the label and other times I didn't.  Sometimes I just went along with it.  I mean, I used to peg my pants with the best of em, but I don't know if I really liked that look or I did it because it was the "cool" thing to do!  (Who decided that was cool anyway?)  Out of concern for looking "stupid" for trying something new that I wasn't immediately good at, or for doing something that other people might think was "nerdy" I held myself back.  I stuck to the things that I was most naturally good at and did my best.  Which was OK.  And let me stress this, it was O.  K.  But one day I decided, I don't want my life to be just OK!


Did I really hold myself back because I was worried that someone else might judge me negatively?????

It has taken me some time in my own self growth to realize that I have held myself back.  Other people's labels and judgements were not what held me back.  It was my own FEAR of how I would FEEL if people thought or said something negative about me.  (Typing this right now, reading it, and saying it in my head really makes it hit harder in my heart and mind.)  How could we ever hold ourselves back from living our best life and having the greatest life experiences simply based on our worry over another person's thoughts or feelings?  That's ridiculous!!!  Oops!  Label!  Sorry! ;)

People are going to have their own opinions and they may or may not agree with yours.  We need to just accept that and get over it!  It's supposed to be like that because we're all different.   You are made uniquely you with your own thoughts, opinions, likes and dislikes, wants, desires, perspective, etc.!  We may connect with some people on some things and be on way different ends of the spectrum on others.  This is on purpose!  We can always learn something from someone who has a different opinion than ours and we can also decide, you know what, I just don't agree!  I'm gonna do what I need to do! 

My husband likes to say,

"It's none of your business what other people think about you."  

I remember feeling really annoyed and frustrated when he first said this to me.  But it's true.  How does anyone ever really know how another person feels anyway, even if they tell you?  So, it's irrelevant.  Not an issue.  It's an imaginary glass wall between you and the things you want to do, try, and be.  We're not living life to be accepted by others, we're living life to be our best selves.  To be loving.  To give.  To do good.  To laugh.  To experience all the beauty and wonder of everything around us.  So always try in everything you do to be yourself.  It's good for you and for everyone else... whether they know it or not!



The "G" word

No, not gum or grandma, it's guilt!  If you have some, it's time to get rid of it!  Some people say guilt and worry are wasteful and while I agree, I also think they serve their purpose.  Guilt is something that can sit on your head and cloud your judgement and allow you to choose differently than you would without it.  When you feel guilty about something it could mean a lot of things.  Maybe things turned out in a way you hadn't planned and someone got hurt.  Perhaps you made a decision that you knew better on.  It's important to think about why you feel guilty and understand what it's telling you. 

This is what I've learned about guilt:  sitting around feeling guilty, which often leads you to feeling anxious, sad, frustrated, depressed, and sick, doesn't help anyone or anything!  If you want to help yourself or anyone else, say you're sorry, forgive yourself, do what you can to make it better whatever that may be, but please, don't just sit with it!  Some people sit with guilt for years and their life turns into one big regret!

Another thing to consider about guilt is that you may be feeling guilty over something you have no business feeling guilty over!  How many of us parents have ever felt guilty for going to work?  taking time for ourselves?  forgetting something?  Have you ever felt guilty over something that you personally had no control over?  Have you ever felt guilty because you had to make an important decision for yourself that other people didn't agree with, understand, or want you to make?  Release yourself from the opinion of others!  Have you ever made a mistake that you keep reliving and still feel guilty over?  It's time to stop!  Remind yourself that when you know better, you do better (props again to Oprah!).  You can't relive the past, but you can do better in the future.  Don't let guilt hold you back anymore!

No Apologies Please

I'm not sure this is as big of a problem with men as it is with women, but us women are often throwing around the "sorry's" like it's the last day to use the darn word!  I have to once again give honorable mention to Brad, my husband, who always asks me why I'm sorry.  "Why are you sorry the sheets aren't dry yet?  Did you throw extra water on them so they wouldn't dry faster?"  "Why are you sorry that I bumped my head?  Did you make that cupboard jump out and hit me?"  Why am I so sorry all the time?  I guess what I really mean is, I care for your comfort.  I love you.  Feel better soon!  Saying I'm sorry is probably a habit more than anything.  Try to stop apologizing for everything and only apologize for legitimate reasons.  This is very freeing.  I'm still working on it! 

Another thing to consider, and this is a big one, do you apologize for who you are?

I don't think I've ever really apologized for being me, well, maybe I have out of a lack for better words, but I know I've compromised my own beliefs to try to keep peace.  I don't recommend this.  It can lead to things getting sticky and ugly.  It's like a ticking time bomb...and you're the bomb.  I'm not talking about little things.  It's good to be flexible.  It's good to think of how you're impacting the lives of others.  I'm talking about the build up over time.  You can compromise, you can agree to disagree, you can turn the other cheek, whatever, but if you realize you're not being yourself anymore, it's definitely time for a change.  Don't apologize for who you are!  The world needs you to be YOU!  You have special gifts and talents that need to be expressed and if you're not able to do that because you're always compromising and holding back, you're not allowing what's meant to be! 

So take a stand.  Promise yourself that today, starting now, you will Be You!  No Guilt!  No Apologies!  Do whatever it takes to be on a path that allows you to continuously grow, learn, and develop as the beautiful person that you are!  I will be right here with you, cheering you on!

Love to You!

Kristie

P.S. I just started a facebook page for Kristie Just Bein!  If you want to check it out, click here!

P.S.S.  I'd love to know if any of this is helpful to you and what else is on your mind!  Don't be shy!  Please share any thoughts, comments, and words of wisdom that you have!